


You Drive Me Insane

by gottacatchghosts (octolingkiera)



Series: phic phight '19 [1]
Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Funny, Gen, cursing, excessive wealth, lol that's it really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-15 22:50:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18678925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octolingkiera/pseuds/gottacatchghosts
Summary: From Phic Phight 2019Prompt: Vlad buys Danny a car for his 16th birthday





	You Drive Me Insane

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ghostanimal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostanimal/gifts).



> this was super fun to write. enjoy!!

“What is this?”

Vlad sighs and rolls his eyes. “It’s a _car_ , Daniel. People _drive_ them,” he says, voice dropping condescension.

Danny scoffs and crosses his arms, glaring at Vlad and then the vehicle parked at the curb in front of his house. “Yeah, no shit. But why is it _here_?”

Vlad gestures like it’s obvious and he thinks Danny is an idiot. “A certain _someone_ has a sixteenth birthday tomorrow, and I couldn’t resist bringing my present around a little early.”

Danny purses his lips, squinting at Vlad. “Excuse me?”

Vlad groans and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Must I spell it out for you?” He points at the car and then Danny, saying, “ _That_ is for _you_.”

There’s a brief pause before Danny bursts out laughing. “Yeah, right! Like you’d get me anything and _mean_ it.”

Vlad’s eyes flash red and he growls. “Let me put this in a way your pitiful teenaged mind can comprehend.” He snatches the back of Danny’s t-shirt and hauls him upright, then digs around in his pocket for the keys. He takes Danny’s wrist and places the keys in his hand. “This. Is. Your. _Birthday present_.”

Danny takes a deep breath and wraps his fingers around the keys, pulling away from Vlad with a little intangibility. “Okay, okay, I get it. You got me a car.” He looks it over, taking in its boxy front, the tall hood ornament, and the fact that it seems to only have one handle despite looking like it has two doors on each side, and hums. “What breed of car is it?”

“What bree—” Vlad chokes and sputters for a moment and Danny does his best to not smirk. He thinks he failed when Vlad gives him a nasty look. “This is a _Rolls-Royce_ , Daniel. What _breed_.”

As Vlad continues to grumble under his breath, Danny hums again, mildly impressed. He knows nothing about cars, but he _does_ know that this type is exceedingly expensive. “Cars have, like. Types, right? Like. Special names?” Danny shrugs when Vlad squints at him. “I’m bad this. This one has a type, right?”

Vlad looks like he just sucked on a lemon and clams up, turning to look at the car instead of Danny.

Danny pokes him in the side. “C’mon old man. What’s the fancy schmancy car name for it?”

Vlad mumbles too lowly for Danny to make out so he pokes him again. It takes a few more jabs before Vlad finally spits out, “It’s a Rolls-Royce _Phantom_ , are you happy?”

“It’s…” Danny trails off and inspects the car again. It’s got a slimming black and white paint job that he doesn’t actually hate. A huge grin splits his face. “It’s a _Phantom_?” His voice squeaks and breaks a little bit—thanks, puberty—but he doesn’t care. “ _That’s amazing_.”

Vlad grumbles again. “I put a lot of thought into this,” he mumbles a little self-consciously. “I.” He coughs and crosses his arms, turning to face mostly at the car. “I wanted it to be nice.”

Danny stares at Vlad in awe, then narrows his eyes. “Okay, what’s the catch?”

“Catch?” Vlad asks, turning back to Danny. He raises a single brow.

“Yes, _fruitloop_ , the catch. There’s gotta be a catch. This, if it’s serious, is the nicest thing you’ve _ever_ done for me.” Danny crosses his own arms and resists the temptation to flash his eyes. “You’ve _got_ to be up to something.”

Vlad sighs and slumps a little. “Your mother called me and told me of plans your parents had for getting you a car themselves.”

“My _mom_ called you?” Danny’s voice raises in disbelief. “But she hates you!”

Vlad grits his teeth. “Yes, well. She told me about how they got Jasmine a car for _her_ sixteenth birthday, and they didn’t want you to feel like she was receiving special treatment. She also confided with me that they wouldn’t be able to afford one for you and asked if I would be willing to step in for them.” He shrugs. “They wanted to get you a used car, but what’s the point of wealth if you can’t flaunt it?”

“You bought me a rich person car just to flex on my parents?” Danny asks, staring with wide eyes.

“If by ‘flex,’” Vlad says, voice mocking when he repeats the slang term, “you mean ‘rub it in their faces,’ then yes. I did.”

Danny can’t help the new wave of laughter. “God that’s so petty. Rich people are wild.” He looks at the car again and tilts his head. “So you just. Got me this fancy ass car, no shit?”

“Luxury cars are not a joke.” Vlad gestures at the vehicle. “Especially these cars. Each Rolls-Royce is personalized. They are not sold, they are _commissioned_.”

“So, let me get this straight.” Danny raises a hand and counts off on his fingers. “You got me a _custom-made car_ , a _Rolls-Royce Phantom_ ,” he pauses to grin at the name again, “for my _birthday_ because my _mom_ called and asked you to, and you wanted to show off how rich you are to them? And there’s no catch? No secret spy camera or bug in the car that reports back to you whenever the car is being used? Nothing at all?”

Vlad nods. “Of course.”

Danny drops his hand. “Wow.”

“What do you take me for? A cartoon villain?”

Danny raises a brow. “You don’t want me to answer that.”

The two stand there staring at the car to avoid looking at each other for a few more seconds. Then Vlad says, “The roof interior lights up.” Vlad shifts uncomfortably. “Like stars.”

Danny blinks at Vlad, mouth dropping open a little. “For real?” At Vlad’s nod, Danny looks at the car with a bit of a warmer attitude. “That’s pretty cool.”

“One of the reasons I eventually decided on this one.”

“Not just the name?” Danny gives Vlad a cheeky smirk.

“The name was the first thing that drew me to it.” Vlad grimaces. “Impudent child.”

Danny laughs loudly again, honestly delighted. It’s weird, laughing this much _with_ Vlad instead of _at_ Vlad, but he finds that he kinda likes it. It sure beats having to kick old man ass. “You know what? Fine.”

“‘Fine’ what?”

“I’ll take it.” Danny steps up to the car and lays a hand on its roof. This car is more expensive that literally anything else he owns and probably every electronic and video game he owns, all put together.

“You’ll—of _course_ you’ll take it!” Vlad bursts, throwing his hands up. “I bought it for you! It’s a _birthday_ present! It’s _custom made_!”

“Wait.” Danny removes his hand and look at Vlad. “You aren’t trying to bribe me, are you?” He doesn’t know if he’s asking seriously or not.

Vlad’s eyes flash red again and Danny holds his hands up in surrender. “I’m tempted to say yes, but that won’t shut you up.”

Danny grins. “You’re not wrong.” He cups his hands on the windows and tries to look instead, but the glass is tinted almost black. “Man. I can’t wait to drive this baby to school. The look on Dash’s face will be absolutely worth it.” Vlad’s raised eyebrow catches his eye as it’s reflected off the glass and he looks over his shoulder. “Yes, I realize that makes me a hypocrite.” He shrugs. “Guess we’re both petty bitches.”

Vlad’s outraged cry drowns out Danny’s newest giggles.

**Author's Note:**

> please google this car. it's so extra, holy shit
> 
> rich people are fucking wild!!!
> 
> crossposted on tumblr [here](https://gottacatchghosts.tumblr.com/post/183886394416/you-drive-me-insane)


End file.
